And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me.

I'm afraid of becoming numb again. When it is supposed to do so, my heart tries to beat. But it feels empty. It tries to get excited, and again, it is full of emptiness.

I'm afraid of seing him and the possibility of still being this way. 

But the slightest chance of this option makes me cry. So I might care, I might give it importance so it is not lost yet. 

Maybe you are feeling down. Maybe you need him more although you though you didn't.